Bad ideas

a pulse

2006-03-22T06:02:50Z

Eliezer S. Yudkowsky: Quack?

2004-11-02T05:28:24Z

Take this survey

2004-10-22T04:18:42Z

You have to. It's my birthday.

1. When were you born?

2. What political party(ies) does your family affiliate with?

3. What is your purpose in life? And when did you establish this

4. Why is it important to have something to believe in?

5. Would you rather be buried or cremated?

You'll never see a finer ship in your life.

2004-07-09T10:11:11Z

I KNEW I'd update after some booze. Candid.

I made up a cool bass line for that cool guitar riff. Do we still have a band? We look so sexy together. I don't do much these days, so whenever. Whenever.

Go to Radiohead.com. It's not what you'd expect.

Mom bought a book about personality types. I am an ISFP. GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS. According to the book "Sees much but shares little."

I crave flesh that is not my own.

My parents have left school totally up to me. Seeing as though I have been fucking up so much lately. I successfully graduated high schoool, but my college grades can be legitimately be blamed on anxiousness/depression often augmented by marijuana. I want to take English and Art History. Maybe get into architecture. I like LEGOs.

Don't hate me because I don't have opinions. I'm just very objective and can see both sides of the argument.

The trick is to not think. Thinking leads to false perception(mind-reading) which is not correct and not true to oneself. I value art. That's about it.

Should an introvert worry about drinking alone?

ALANI: Would you like to go see Sugoi Death tommorow? With me? It is in San Leandro.

I still hate the internet and television and am still a hypocrit.

Die.

sifujrocc @ 2004-06-30T03:29:00

2004-06-30T10:33:18Z

There is good company within my viscinity measured in miles. There is intimacy down the line. There is inspiration for tommorow. There are oppurtunities long gone. There is a book and a screen right in fucking front of my face.

sifujrocc @ 2004-06-29T12:37:00

2004-06-29T19:40:57Z

I know you

I love this man.

2004-06-28T00:55:25Z

Interviewer: [The interviewer claims the last three albums had an industrial/electronic sound] Had the inspiration to go in that direction dried up?

Glenn Danzig: When it comes to writing music, I’m very unpredictable, outside of that too, but that’s besides the point here. First and foremost I’d like to make the remark that Blackacidevil was completely analogically recorded and that it had nothing to do with electronical tidbits. With every record I make, I demand very much of myself and I want something different each time. As was the case with the previous lp’s, I did the production myself. The first two cd’s were indeed in coproduction with Rick Rubin, but our ideas are too far stretched out to still work together. I’ve always had the feeling that, when I do something myself, then and only then it’s done properly.

Interviewer: Does Danzig carry a certain message?

Glenn Danzig: Of course, my message is still ‘kill everybody and destroy the fucking world’.

sifujrocc @ 2004-06-27T03:56:00

2004-06-27T11:03:27Z

Little fellow, you must have given up the hope of living.

Uh uh. On the contrary. I do not let the word death bother me.

Same here, baby.

Then what are you waiting for?

This is boring

2004-06-22T03:33:46Z

Chapter 2, page 47, paragraph 1.
To organize perceptions, we also use scripts, which are guides to action based on what we've experienced and observed. Scripts consist of a sequence of activites that define what we and others are expected to do in specific situations. Many of our daily activities are governed by scripts, although we're often unaware of them. You have a script for greeting casual acquaintances ("Hey, how ya doing?" "Fine. See ya around."). You also have scripts for managing conflict, talking with professors, attending meetings, interacting with superiors on the job, dealing with clerks, and relaxing with friends. Christine Bachen and Eva Illouz (1996) studied 184 people to learn about their views of romance. They found that people have clear scripts for appropriate sequences of ecents on the first date and romantic dinners. In dating and most of our activities, we use scripts to organize perceptions into lines of action.

MY FRIDAY

2004-06-20T07:32:58Z

I listened to the Pixies to and from my job interview at Anchor Blue at the Great Mall. It was a group interview and I think I did well. There were 9 people and they said they were hiring 5 or 6 = cool.

My cousin Steve Perry got married on Friday at my uncle Bob's house. It was a Zen Buddhist ceremony and I don't know if it's because they are Buddhist or just because they aren't religious. Either way, the guy who married them was also in the band. Some pictures, hors'douvres and awkward conversation later, I discovered that I am horribly deprived as far as music goes. My cousin Rob told me that I need to get into New Order and two other 80s bands which I can't fucking remember now. I really like him. He invited me to come over sometime and crash at his place in SF with a hoard of blank CDs and burn the lot of his CD library, which is a damn good idea.

There was cajun music, cake, white people dancing and then we left. Got home and Adam Iniguez called me about this really cool club with "hella bitches" in Sunnyvale he was at. After much debate with parents, I was allowed to go. I get there, hear the music, and it seems all right. But after I waste 15 bucks at the door, I discover that everyone is younger than me, Mexican, and there are VIVA! 105.7 posters everywhere. A guy on the mic shooting his mouth off in spanish with the audience randomly "WHOOOO!"ing. I stayed long enough to watch ridiculously buff, greasy dudes strip down to their VIVA 105.7 thongs. Don't trust Adam Iniguez. You will lose money and respect for the Latin-American community.

Up(to)date

2004-06-14T04:57:58Z

During my first visit with Dr. Barth, I failed to mention my erratic behavior (spontaneous road-trip and decisions to not do homework). Apparently, that's not a minor detail. So now I'm going to see a psychiatrist next week about possible depression and social anxiety.

I feel this is putting on a bright neon vest that blind people wear while skiing, but instead of "WARNING: BLIND SKIER," mine says "WARNING: ANXIOUS/DEPRESSED." I will give myself the benefit of a doubt that some people may like to know. And there you have it. Bitches.

WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER MY NAME

2004-06-09T07:02:51Z

Basically, I'm on house arrest. My parents are afraid that I might just take off and never come home. My mom is desperate to help her son to be happy. That's why she doesn't get much closure when a man in a suit and tie says positive thinking is the answer. No referal to a psychiatrist. No medication. Your son is normal. Perhaps a late bloomer? That's my guess. Being unattached from society from freshman to junior year could do somehting like that.

Seeing straight is boring.

Being isolated inside 777 choctaw Dr. isn't so bad. At least now I can concentrate on songwriting and music in general. I have an omission from my last entry. I am good for emoting and songwriting. Good writing once in a while, but that's all I need, right?

Excuse me for the Radiohead overload, but I am obsessed with these lyrics. It speaks so well to brainless Minus Vince/Fremont ska fans.

Faith, you're driving me away. you do it everyday. You don't mean it But it hurts like hell. My brain says I'm recieving pain. A lack of oxygen From my life support. My iron lung
We're too young to fall asleep. To cynical to speak. We are losing it. Can't you tell? We scratch our eternal itch - A twentieth century bitch. And we are grateful for Our iron lung

The head shrinkers They want everything My uncle Bill My Belisha beacon The head shrinkers They want everything My uncle Bill My Belisha beacon

Suck, suck your teenage thumb. Toilet trained and dumb. When the power runs out, We'll just hum. This, this is our new song. Just like the last one. A total waste of time. My iron lung

The head shrinkers. They want everything. My uncle Bill. My Belisha beacon. The head shrinkers. They want everything. My uncle Bill. My Belisha beacon

And if you're frightened, You can be frightened, You can be, it's OK
And if you're frightened, You can be frightened, You can be, it's OK

The head shrinkers. They want everything. My uncle Bill. My Belisha beacon

Now we're moving, now we're takin control

2004-06-08T11:54:26Z

Brandy + Whiskey + Beer + Solitude =

I am not a contribution to society. I am not giving you your worth for your tax dollars. I am not on any path that will lead anywhere specific. I am in no way helping you to achieve a common good. But hey, I'm emotionally disturbed, so it's all right. First things first. The trick is to keep the populous alive, then apathy will diminish and economic prosperity will take care of itself.

Having something "wrong with you" is like a free pass to do anything you want to. It's established that nothing is my fault, it's my DNA! The chemical inbalance that has invaded my brain is taking over and I'm no longer the basicly good, rational human being I was. Blame chemicals, but I don't care about anyone else's judgement, or really what happens to me in this pivotal time in life. Just in case disintegration occurs, I will dress damn good for irony's sake.

If nothing changes, I could always be a truck driver. Then I could drive for hours, listen to Johnny Cash and cry - I HAVE been practicing. Then at rest stops I could pretend I care passionately about America, sports and titty bars just so the other guys will let me be their friend.

I'm going to get a therapist.

2004-06-03T23:59:43Z

2004 A.D.

2004-05-30T05:24:18Z

This is a Live-jour-nal: a fleshless, monotone means of expression. Interpretation varies.

This is the in-ter-net: human interaction within boxes and wires. Keep your hands to yourself.

This is con-ven-ience: personal comfort or advantage. An epidemic which increases expectations and discourages confrontation.

This is de-pres-sion: the condition of feeling sad or despondent. It has grown into a trend in recent years, referred to as "emo," concerning/annoying outsiders.

There are quiet lightning storms inside my head. I want to be touched. I want to be given time. I want my own kind. I want to not give a fuck.

Kill the Hippie!

2004-05-28T03:00:13Z

Beside a Singin' Mountain Stream
Where the Willow grew
Where the Silver Leaf of Maple
Sparkled in the Mornin' Dew
I braided Twigs of Willows
Made a String of Buckeye Beads
But Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

I leaned against a Bark of Birch
And I breathed the Honey Dew
I saw a North-bound Flock of Geese
Against a Sky of Baby Blue
Beside the Lily Pads
I carved a Whistle from a Reed;
Mother Nature's quite a Lady
But you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

A Cardinal sang just for me
And I thanked him for the Song
Then the Sun went slowly down the West
And I had to move along
These were some of the things
On which my Mind and Spirit feed
But Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need

So when the Day was ended
I was still not satisfied
For I knew ev'rything I touched
Would wither and would die
And Love is all that will remain
And grow from all these Seed

Mother Nature's quite a Lady
But you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need

If you try the best you can, best you can is good enough.

2004-05-24T06:19:06Z

He's cool. He earned his nickname. He makes good first impressions. I'd like to think he has mostly virtuous qualities like telling the truth, being generous, showing empathy. He's willing to ameliorate and even knows what that word means. He blends in with an early morning clear blue sky. Friends and co-workers of his mother compliment her on her son. "I had no idea he was so articulate!" "Such a kind and nurturing son." His mom loves to hear these things. He works in a flower and garden store, having applied there because of his timeless love of nature. Mostly older people with homes and children shop there, but once in a while some young women will stop by. They whisper to themselves as he checks in the back for an apparently out of stock plant seed. They notice his post-orthodontic smile. His height. The absence of irregularities. The enthusiasm in his voice. They don't notice what remains unsaid, like how talented he is and all the interesting things that he's interested in. He is ideal. He has nothing to fear. He was that kid on the box of Kix and now he's grown up. -- But the reality is that he hasn't really grown up. He's still the same figuratively apple-cheeked, smiling, converse over the trivial, little kid. While everyone else moves past the passe, he is too busy daydreaming to realize what's going on. Too busy looking like he has it together. He is alone.

Angel of Grief

2004-05-13T22:14:54Z

I saw this statue at the Chapel of Chimes cemetary on Mission Blvd. My artsy-fuck side kicked in and I wanted to take it home.

The Disappearing Undressing Geometric Woman

2004-05-01T18:02:03Z

The smallest circle is a nipple.

sifujrocc @ 2004-04-28T09:56:00

2004-04-28T16:59:26Z

Sandblasting is for everyone.

2004-04-20T23:18:41Z

I guess it takes me about 20 days to go from a practice sketch to a finished project. "Finished" - there's like 10 things wrong with it. But there's probably about 10 things I like about it too. I must attempt sandblasting again.

What a lethargic piece of shit I am. It is kind of interesting though. I wonder how long I can keep dodging obligations to drive around aimlessly. Actually, I know how long. About three weeks, that is, unless I become famous and move to (not Fremont) before then.

Inspiration

2004-03-31T00:31:15Z

Are you such a dreamer
To put the world to rights?

I'll stay home forever
Where two and two always makes five

I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag and hide

January has April's showers
And two and two always makes five

It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can scream and you can shout
It is too late now

Because
You have not been
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
you have not been
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
You have not been
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention
Payin’ attention

I try to sing along
But I get it all wrong
'Cause I’m not
'Cause I’m not
I swat 'em like flies but like flies the buggers keep coming back and NOT
But I’m not
All hail to the thief
All hail to the thief
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
Don't question my authority or put me in a box
'Cause I'm not
'Cause I'm not
Oh go and tell the king that the sky is falling in
When it's not
But it's not
But it's not
Maybe not
Maybe not

My Job

2004-03-29T19:44:11Z

is somewhat a criminal act. I woke up at around 6:30 today, a bit confused. Usually I get a call from a woman whose name is irrelevant to find out what position I can sub for. I didn't, so I'm not working.

When I DO work, it consists of breathing down kids' necks, making sure they understand their work, wandering Logan High School, reading, dozing, being asked if I'm a new student, and cooly explaining that I'm not. $11.85 an hour. That's if I'm subbing for a teaching assistant. If I work with the special ed department, my day is slightly tougher but more usually more fun.

I like talking with mentally handicapped kids. Probably for the exact same reason I like talking to drunk people. My first day with special ed, I was working with Julian, who suffers from autism. He showed me a picture of some vacation ad and pointed out this tall guy who was with a group of friends on the beach. He asked me what his name is. I played along, saying "He looks like a David to me. I think I'd call him David." Julian seemed content with my answer. Later, when one of the head aids heard Julian tell her about David, she broke her kindergarten-like speech and explained, "No, Julian. This is only a representation of a place. They want you to go there. It's an advertiesment." Yikes. I don't think it was such a good move to draw a picture of Julian's house in Sacramento with him later that day. I drew cabinets and the car out front, windows, a stop sign, etc. Later I found out that Julian's father died when living in Sacramento, and he's moved since then.

Among the group of characters is Jesus who has down-syndrome. I introduced myself as John, but he's been calling me Eric. Jesus is awesome. He's really into N'sync and does his "It's Gonna Be Me" dance routine at least once a day. He gets rewarded for doing his work with soda. Once he got me in a headlock and gave me a noogie. On the way back from his typing session, he saw a cute girl and gave her a hug. That's another thing that's emphasized. "Keep your hands to yourself!" Damn, these kids are already horribly deprived and never going to have sex, so they should at least be able to hug.

On the walls there are pictures of gardens and quotes like "Nature's beauty is refreshing!" and other basic human understandings.

an (un)eventful day

2004-03-29T04:45:04Z

I am capable of great things.

ca·pa·ble
adj.

3. Having the inclination or disposition

I find this interesting

2004-03-27T17:42:42Z